I have somewhat of a problem with rap, its not that Ive always had this problem.
For a time I actually enjoyed rap, and let it be known that I still enjoy 2pac and Kanye West, not to mention Outlandish, Jurassic 5 and Dilated peoples Saying this however, the first thing I said when I burst into this world was not Excuse me good doctor, would you mind letting me go? I have to run my prostitution and drug rings as soon as really, not to mention keeping it real in da hood My recent problems with rap have emerged from what I call shout rap, which as far as I can tell, involves shouting very loud and very angrily and sitting back and waiting for the whores or the dough to role in, whatever comes first. It seems that the main cause of this recent explosion in shout, or more preferably shit, rap is lil John.
I dont really get the lil bit, Im unsure whether he cant spell little or if his first name is Lillian. Anyways, Ive decided to give the guy a chance, in all honesty Ive not really tried to listen to his music, mostly because I value my brain cells.
But I figure everyone deserves a second chance, besides, my posse inform me that he keeps it real and loves da bling, to which I say indeed.
Well, I listened to the song, which was a very very bad idea, not only are my ears bleeding and my eyes rattling in their sockets, but Im fairly sure that my chances of ever jumping into a conversation without screaming YEAAHHH, have now been drastically reduced. But fear not humble reader, I shall persevere for you, In fairness I didnt really try to appreciatelisten to the lyrics. Perhaps this lil John is a modern day Shakespeare, hiding beautiful prose behind phat beats, to which I say unlikely.
Lets take a look at the lyrics to the smash hit Get Low. And why yes, I am dreading this 3, 6, 9 damn she fine hopin she can sock it to me one mo time Get low, Get low 2x To the window, to the wall, to dat wall To the sweat drop down my balls MY BALLS To all these bitches crawl crawl To all skeet skeet motherf**ker motherf**ker! all skeet skeet got dam Got dam To all skeet skeet motherf**ker motherf**ker! all skeet skeet got dam Got dam Hmmm, interesting start, who would have thought that a gangsta rap song could start with the 3x table? This is actually a clever ploy to make the listener think these men are fine cultured gentlemen who enjoy croquet and water polo. Im assuming that the phrase she can sock it to me one mo time, is some form of invite to his female friend for a rematch at a game of chess, or backgammon. However, it all goes to hell from then on, it seems lil John wants people to Get low from the window, to the wall the wall in question is further clarified by some random person in the background, now, call me crazy, but how in the hell does someone do that? Do they want you to stretch yourself out between the window and the wall? Or do they simply want you to crouch down and get to the wall, from the window, perhaps this is some form of fire drill.
Lil John is screaming at the people to get low to avoid the plumes of smoke that will kill them all, whoa, this guy is deep! It seems however that Lil Johns fire safety training was administered by a pervert, as he then begins advising the patrons to get near the sweat dropping from his genitalia, now Im no expert on the subject, but I get the feeling this is not the most efficient way to douse out flames.
I can also only guess that the man previously clarifying what wall to migrate to has now suffered some horrific injury to his genitals, as indicated by his screaming of MY BALLS, ouch.
After this dip into terrifying fire safety tips lil John tries to reaffirm his status as a member of the gentry, at least I think he does, because the only skeets that I can think of are the clay pigeons. Lil John it seems is trying to Xtreme up the noble sport of skeet shooting, imagine if you will, Prince Charles lining up his shot, firing and turning to the Queen announcing Skeet that shit up, motherf**ker!!!, hell, I think it would be kinda interesting, Ill write to Charlie as soon as. Shortie crunk so fresh so clean can she f**k that Question been harassing me in the mind this bitch is fine I done came to the club about 50 11 times now can I play with yo Panty line the club owner said I need to calm down security guard go to sweating Me now nigga drunk then a motherf**ker threaten me now I would just like to take this moment to say that I got these lyrics from an official source sadly it seems that the above qualify as a sane use of the English language. My posse inform me that crunk stems from being Crazy and Drunk at the same time, to which I say, well done, it takes some good honest drug use to get there! Good on ya, and yo ho.
It seems that Lil John wants his women fresh and clean before engaging in any form of sexual deviancy, this seems a tad rich from a man who has already openly admitted to having sweaty balls Now this is where I begin to get seriously concerned about the state of Lil Johns mind, and not just because of his butchering of the English language, it seems that the poor man is completely flawed by a question, I can imagine the situation. Are you lil John? Bitch! Stop harassing my mind!!! Poor John, hes so blown away by a simple query that the other lyrics dont really make any sense. Par example, done came to the club about 50 11 times now, interesting, has he come to the club 50 times? Or 11? Or maybe hes trying to trick us all with math problems!! Hes come to this club 5011 times! Oh god no! Bow before our new club going mathematician! It really is all downhill from there, Panty line the club owner said I need to calm down security guard go to sweating, I mean, shit, its as if hes turned into the guy from the fast show, mhmmmhm PANTY LINE mhhhmmhm SECURITY GUARD!!. I see that Lil Johns recurring sweat problem keep coming back. Please, for me, repeat the entire verse to yourself, yes, it is that bad. She getting crunk in the club I mean she work Then I like to see the female twerking taking the clothes off BUCKEY naked ATL. Hoe don't disrespect it Pa pop yo p***y like this cause yin yang twins in this b i itch Lil Jon and the East side boys wit me and we all like to see Ass and tities Now bring yo ass over here hoe and let me see you get low if you want this Thug Now take it to the floor to the floor and if yo ass wanta act you can keep yo ass where you at chorus Uh oh, the Crunk is back, you would have thought hed have learnt that stuff isnt any good for him from the last verse, but it seems not. I would really go further into this verse, but its so damned vulgar, so Ill try and sum my thoughts about it fairly fast. 1. What the hell does Twerking mean? 2. I assume ATL stands for Advanced Turtle Legions, who needs drive-bys when you have an army of turtles to do your bidding? 3. Thank god the yin yang twins have arrived, make sure to keep them balanced though, ho ho, Taoism joke.
4. Yes they are all thugs, be afraid, be very afraid, grrrr. Let me see you get low you scared you, scared you Drop dat ass to the floor you scared you, scared you Let me see you get low you scared you, scared you Drop dat ass to the floor you scared you, scared you Drop dat ass ya shake it fast ya Pop dat ass to the left and the right ya Drop dat ass ya shake it fast ya Pop dat ass to the left and the right ya Now back, back, back it up a back, back, back it up a back, back, back it up a back, back, back it up Now stop then wiggle wit it Now stop then wiggle wit it Now stop then wiggle wit it Now stop then wiggle wit it chorus This verse is the result of some hard bargaining between Lil John and his producer Lil John, the songs too short Bitch! Stop harassing my mind!!! Hah hah, seriously though, we need about another min Bitch! Stop harassing my mind!!! No, seriously, this is a big problem Bitch! Stop harassing my mind!!! Jesus-f**king-christ, Ted just grab some random things he says and repeat them for a min Bitch! Stop harass Silence! Now give me my doe back and go get ya friend Stupid bitch standing there while I'm drinking my hen Steady looking at me Still asking questions Times up nigga pass me another contestant Hoe move to the left if you ain't bout 50 Done talk through 3 or 4 songs already looking at a nigga with yo palm out bitch I ain't even seen you dance It seems Lil John has become unhappy with his prostitute, demanding money back, Im not sure thats how it works. Personally, Im not so hot on the whole whoring your body out thing, but Im fairly certain they dont give out receipts to provide an easy money back service. Not that Lil John cares about any of this, Id say hes so tripped out on LSD on this point that hes taken to trying to drink chickens, you tell me how you drink hen.
Sadly, Johns brain gets overloaded by questions again, and he spends the remainder of the verse thinking hes some demented judge on pop idol. Lil John would be a great supporting judge on pop idol, everyone would be better then him, so hed just have to sit there in the back, screaming YEAH, or MY BALLS or PANTY LINE. Twerk something baby work something baby Pop yo p***y on the pole do yo thang baby Slide down dat bitch a little bit then stop Get back on the floor catch yo balance then drop Now bring it back up clap yo ass like hands I just wanna see yo ass dirty dance yin yang we done again And put it on the map like annnnn chorus Im going to attempt to translate this one Engage in the activity of working, madam Throw your cat onto the pole Just rub the poor thing about a bit Until its statically charged, then stop Now, return to the dance floor, and dont fall over in those heels Now applaud everyone in the room I just want to catch a glimpse of your universally balanced posterior And place an AA road map on it. Got dam Got dam ya ya'll twerking a little bit ladies But ya got to twerk a little bit harder then dat now right now I need all the ladies dat know they look good tonite where my sexy ladies we want ya'll to do this shit like this Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low get low Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low get low Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low get low Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low get low Im just too depressed to field this one, it seems however that all the crunking Lil John has been doing has affected his mind so much that he forgets the last line, and begins repeating himself, much like a broken record oh wait, that might just be the genre in general. |
